The Glitzy Grady Life
Your average middle age gay men with a vicious sense of humor and a keen sense of irony….
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It has been forever since I last wrote! My 50th birthday is upon me now…how could this have happened?? It seems like just yesterday I was having my 40th Birthday…wow 10 years! Ohh well..Saturday is my party and that should be fun..it is just all the work that needs to be done before then that is daunting….Rick has been doing the lions share of it but still!
I need to go to DC for work next week….not looking forward to that….my boss will fill my head with all of his nonsense..his daughter is getting married this weekend so I am sure I will hear all about the royal wedding…how much it cost…ect…
I am really looking forward to spending the 4th of July week on the Cape with my family…it took us months to find the right house…looking everyday to find just the right place…we finnally did…it should be great!
I am under the gun to get my car inspected…it has to be done by the 20th of this month or they will cancel my registration…I need an air bag sensor in my passenger seat…so they have taken out the seat to replace it…I am riding around with no passenger seat…like Ted Bundy or some other serial killer…you should see the odd looks I get….as I pull up aside someone and ask them if they want a ride…
We have been getting a lot of thunderstorms lately….the dogs are going crazy…jumping on my lap two at a time….gettting in bed with us…cowering…I wonder why they are so scared??? I told them it was just Jesus bowling…that did not seem to calm their fears…hmmm it worked for Rick!
Ohhh it has been too long. In the last two months many things have happened and yet not much….I went to the State House to make my voice heard on the issue of Gay marriage, dealt with a tsunami of snow and my dogs various behavioral problems…so pretty much an average winter.
My ambitious weight loss goals have not kicked in….I try to start and then just put it off….I must get thinner before my birthday in June….I wonder how much weight liposuction would take off?? I could go and then spend a week recovering..then emerge from my cocoon as a beautiful THIN butterfly…with everyone gasping at the fact that I am turning 50…it can’t possibly be true…they would proclaim!
Just going to the gym would help, I suppose…but the last gym I went to, I asked if there was drink and food service on the treadmill….they were not amused…I was not joking….a little buzzer on the panel would work perfectly to ring the service personal…I am in need of a frosty drink and maybe some little finger foods…not much…just enough to take the edge off. I suppose that is why I was asked to leave…Is it possible to be too fat for the gym??
The State House protest was great…..a couple of thousand people out to get them to pass a gay marrage law here in RI. There were a few of the one man+one woman people out…and I do mean a few. One was my friend Chris Young who seems to get arrested everytime he is out…he was screaming something about gay marrage being a product of hitler…which really confused as….he like to burn the gays along with the jews…maybe he married us before he killed us….not sure…but I don’t put any faith on any of his propaganda. It was fun though and hopefully the vote will go our way later this year.
More tomorrow!!
Well it has been a while…the ravages of Christmas and New Years have taken their toll and now I am back at work. It was actually a great Holiday and I had a lot of fun with my family…but now reality sets in…I will be turning 50 in 6 months…
I have heard it all before…age is just a number (if that is true, then jail is just a room)…but it really is odd how the whole things sneaks up on you! One moment you are a squeaky clean ingenue…that everyone wants to know…and the next moment..you are groaning when you get out of a chair and complaining about your bad knee….I used to have to put astringent on my face to keep it dry and now I can hear the sucking noise when I put on lotion as it vanishes into my parched skin…with the red hue just begging for more…
Well I do have some things going for me…I have more hair on my head than most 25 year olds….however the same can be said for my ears….and there are not too many wrinkles on my face…but that can be attributed to the extra weight filling out my skin.
Last year I went through Rick’s 50th birthday….it was not an easy process (for either of us!!!), but in the end he has come to terms with his lot in life…other people in my life have reached that point in their lives and I never thought a thing about it…BUT NOW IT IS ME!!!!
Turning 30 was hardly a blip on the screen….things were just starting to happen in life…turning 40 was a little more significant but still not terrible….but 50 is 10 years away from 60!!!
When Rick gets the mail he looks at me and tells me that it has not arrived yet….what?? I ask… Thinking it is tickets to a play or a check of some kind…his reply is “your AARP card…should be coming any time now”…..My response is not appropriate for this blog…but you can imagine…
I know…I know…I should be thankful for all the good things in my life…and I am….and if I start 50 therapy now…I may be able to crack and smile and be nice on my 50th birthday…but if someone puts 50 candles on a cake…we are going to have an issue!?
Holiday Greetings to all our Dear Friends!!
This year I decided that instead of our usual Holiday letter, I would make a game out of it. Answer all questions correctly to win the opportunity of a sleepover with the dog of your choice!!
1) The Braun-Grady’s in 2010 have
a) Traveled extensively overseas including Russia, Kyrgyzstan and Western Sahara
b) Nearly made it to Albany, New York
c) Thought a couple of times of walking to the Little General (the corner store)
d) Driven around the block
2) John has kept active this year by
a) A devotion to all sports, in particular, Water Polo, Lacrosse and Deep-Sea Fishing
b) Walking the dogs daily
c) Sometimes being lured off his red chair with bread crumbs
d) Once or twice being pushed outside by Rick, blinking blindly into the unaccustomed daylight
3) Rick has spent the year
a) Treading the boards as a noted thespian
b) Treading water
c) Treading lightly in fear of John’s wrath
4) In our spare time we
A) Are honorary members of the Rolls Royce Owners of America Association
B) Sing madrigals and other 19 Century Ditties
C) Act out our favorite scenes of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills through interpretive dance
D) Endlessly discuss the View and our hate of Elizabeth Hassleback
5) Our Neighbors have
a) Thrown us a huge party in which we were awarded the Neighbor of the Year Award
b) Stopped talking to us and call 911 when approached
c) Built 8 feet high fences with barbed wire on top to keep us at bay
d) Have secretly started poising our well with arsenic
6) Our Dog Chumley has
A) Been skunked more times that even he cares to admit
B) Successfully learned how to remove from the freezer and cook a pizza
C) Learned to never beg for food
D) A mean case of gingivitis
7) Our Dog Basil has
A) Bitten the post man several times and has been declared a Public Nuisance
B) Saved a local celebrity from a falling down a well
C) Managed to mark his territory on everything in the house…. including us
D) Just passed gas
8) Our dog Dudley has
a) Just learned how to compose music and has just written his first opera (of which he is the lead)
b) Resisted all attempts to become a valuable member of society
c) Reached his all time record for stealing appetizers at a party, including scoring 5 with the toothpicks still in them
d) Left plentiful blessings all over the back yard….and a few in the house
9) John’s Mother has
A) Gotten heavily into tattoos and body piercing
B) Run away to Buenos Aries with a Swarthy man called Juan Carlos
C) Managed to keep the cat hair at bay
D) Created a cement mold that will make counterfeit 100 dollar bills
10) Our House has
A) Been extensively covered in Better Homes and Garden Magazine
B) Not fallen down yet
C) Developed new and alarming cracks in the walls
D) A few good years left in it
11) The highlight of the year for us was
A) John’s tour de force in a one man show of Twelve Angry Men
B) Rick’s climbing of Mt. Everest
C) Learning how to work the Blu-Ray
D) Changing the light bulbs on the outside lighting
12) Our Hopes and wishes for the New Year include
a) Asimilation of all life forms into the Collective
b) A night sleep without having to get up to pee
c) World Peace…or some facsimile thereof
d) Your continued friendship
Let me know how you do….I will notify you of the lucky WINNER
claudcamp-deactivated20120423 asked: Will you be writing a book soon???
hmmm…I would like to write one….I might have to self-publish! hahaha
Chumley is Ready for his Christmas Dinner!! More blog entries below….
The Christmas party was a huge success on Saturday and now I can concentrate on what to get everyone for the Holiday….it always is a tough job but this year it seems to be even harder for some reason. Rick has tried to please me for so many years with his gifts…and sometimes he has done a great job…but any gift he gives me at this point comes with the sales receipt so that I can return it on the next business day. I try not to let him know…but he always does!
When I was young, my mother had the gargantuan task of trying to make six snot nosed brats happy at the same time…I can’t imagine, she has the patience of a Saint!…..
Christmas morning all six of us would dart down the stairs, (while my parents watched in glee) and rip open the many boxes of presents under the tree…it was like one of those jungle documentaries on the Learning Channel…we would open our gifts with abandon…all the time looking out of one eye at what everyone else received….hmmm Cindy has more large boxes…and Danny has that big present….It is a wonder we did not become cross-eyed…were all looking so many ways!
Somehow, this was never more apparent to me than with my older brother Tim. He was only a year older than me and we wore the same size…so it was natural that we would get similar clothes…much to my chagrin, I always received the brown version of whatever was coming our way…now if you know me….you know I am not a BROWN person…maybe red…maybe glitter (too young for that hahah) but NEVER BROWN! Maybe it was in my head…but his always looked better than mine…I wanted the BLUE (BRAT)!!
To make matters worse….one of my sister (who shall remain nameless…but you know who you are!) was my Aunt’s favorite….no this was not in my head and it was not just that she got an extra cookie or can of Pepsi at her house…She received extra presents all the time…but especially at Christmas. After all the presents were unwrapped and placed under the tree nicely so everyone could see…I would hear what sounded like a leaking tire…ssssss….ssssss…then a whispered name… (she had a nickname…but I will not disclose this…)….OK it was Dolly! PSSST Dolly come out on the porch….why was she going out on the porch??We all knew…..all of us remaining would roll our eyes and wonder what gifts she was about to be showered with…. We would soon find out as she came back in with her hands full of merchandise….and no explanation…We all still laugh about it…I guess it never really bothered us that much or we would not be able to…It was just kind of odd…
Don’t get the wrong impression…Christmas at my house was wonderful and magical…the envy of all the neighborhood kids. My parents went to great lengths to make sure that we all got a special gift that we “had to have” and we always had a big family present that we all could use along with countless others.
Now we are the middle generation…and my parents have passed on the same idea of Christmas…the kids all have a great time…are spoiled and generally are delirious from the toys, candy, and playing with their cousins. I look forward to spending every Christmas at my Mom’s where we all play games and enjoy each others company….but I still wait for the….. psst….pssst…Dolly….and instead of for my sister, it is meant for ME!!! I go out to the porch…and after a few moments where I hear how great I have been this year…I am handed the keys to my new sports car….EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!!!! Then I turn around to jump in it and it is……. BROWN!?
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! I HOPE YOU ALL GET WHAT YOU WANT! NO MATTER WHAT COLOR IT IS!!!
What is with people today?????? You want a smash in the FACE with those FRIES????
Here we are…that time of year again. Time to drag out every old dusty box marked “XMASS” from the basement and try to figure out what is in them, where they go, and why you ever thought that wreath was attractive.
Christmas….thanks to my parents….. was a magical time when we were younger. Big trees, big presents and lots of fun. After I left home I tried to carry on the traditions. In my twenties we had a real tree with colored lights and and shiny silver garland.
In my thirties we had 2 real trees with only clear lights, one tree was at least 9 feet tall with antique crystals and pearls surrounded underneath with fresh poinsettia plants. The other was festooned with ribbons, bows and the many horrible Star Trek ornaments given to Rick as gifts, most of which spoke in Klingon, blinked in some kind of a space age Morse code or made a noise that apparently is a Photon Torpedo. Every Chandelier had crimson red bows and greenery on them, the outside of the house had a wreath on each window and lighted trees and bushes, even the cars had bows on their grills.
In my forties, things started to slow down. “Wasn’t one tree enough”? I begged Rick, do we have to light all the bushes?? Sure it was easy to put them up in December but they didn’t come down until Easter…only after more begging. We gave up the clear lights for the more traditional colored lights again, we had all different kinds of ornaments and sliver garland and tinsel. Still we decorated mantels and hung stockings.
Every year it seems like more of a challenge, Then it happened…Three years ago we decided to go for a fake tree..this was sacrilege for most of my family…”why bother having a tree if it is not real”??? was what I was told when I was younger but I didn’t care. I went off to KMART and chopped me down a fake tree! When I discovered that they came pre-light… I felt a warm sensation and saw a bright light….it was like Jesus was right in the aisle with me!!! Come to find out I was standing in front of the blower for the lighted inflatable Manger scene (with real life-like donkeys) but I was still really happy if not a bit dry!!
Last year was not a particularly merry year (rough year for most I am sure) and neither Rick or I was in a very festive mood….we decided to not bother putting up a tree as we spend Christmas in New York anyway…but Rick gave in and put it up…one of my friends sent me a video of his house all lit up…you could have seen it from space he had so many lights….I wanted to send him a video of mine…it was pitch black….with a subject line…Merry Christmas from the Dark Side….then I thought better of it…some people don’t always get my sense of humor…
This year is a much better year and we have decided to have a Christmas Party. Instead of Scrooge running around Rick has become Father Christmas….every decoration that you can imagine from the last 22 years has been opened up and evaluated…We have gone back to two trees this year with another mini-one in the living room (2.5). There are bows and snowflakes on every surface known to man…Is it really necessary to decorate the inside of the refrigerator and microwave?? The other day I heard jingle bells and a shudder went down my spine….what are you doing with those?? I asked…nothing…nothing…was the response..then one of the dogs came around the corner wearing them….Rick’s response was….too much???? NOOOO… my response was…too much were the Christmas lights on the toilets (can’t I get electrocuted…or maybe this is his plan…) and red bows on all the REMOTES!!!!
I remember my Grandmother in her later years telling me she was not going to put up a tree that year…WHAT??? I gasped, why?? I was probably 16 or 17 and could not even imagine someone not enjoying Christmas and not decorating everything…I even told a Jewish friend of mine that it was too bad she could not celebrate Christmas.. (I was very young and still cringe when I think of it…OYYYYY). Now I am going to be 50….and If I am like this now..what I am going to be like at 70???? and if I have a red bow on my remote at Easter…I am converting to Judaism!!
